Creating clarity about beliefs and assumptions

If, like me you’re a Ted Lasso fan, you’ll remember when Rebecca tells Roy: “Get out of your own way, man!” That line really struck me, because that’s exactly what we do as coaches, isn’t it? We help our clients stop sabotaging themselves and increase clarity and momentum to achieve their goals and objectives.

So how do we help our coachees get out of their own way? Often when they are stuck, it’s because of beliefs that sit below their everyday awareness — and this means they keep hitting the same obstacles. We want to increase their awareness of what might really be getting in their way, and one of the ways we can do this is by helping them uncover the beliefs and assumptions that they are unaware of.

That’s where Byron Katie’s inquiry method comes in. She has developed four deceptively simple questions that are brilliant for uncovering the beliefs our clients don’t even know they have. Originally designed for personal self-inquiry, these questions are incredibly powerful in executive coaching, where limiting beliefs about leadership and success can really hold people back.

Think about the CEO who believes “showing vulnerability makes you weak,” or the leader convinced that “if I’m not working 70-hour weeks, I’m not committed enough,” or “the success of the organisation rests on my shoulders.” These beliefs, built up over years of corporate life and personal experience, become invisible drivers of behaviour that can lead to burnout.

The tricky thing about these assumptions is that they don’t feel like beliefs – they feel like facts. This makes them particularly resistant to traditional coaching approaches that just focus on changing behaviour. Katie’s four questions give us a systematic way to shine a light on these beliefs with precision and compassion.

Let’s take a look at them now.

The Four Questions

Byron Katie’s method revolves around four fundamental questions you can apply to any stressful thought or belief:

Question 1: Is it true?

Why this works: This first question invites clients to pause and really consider whether their belief is factual — and stops the automatic acceptance of thoughts. High-achieving leaders often believe their thoughts are “right,” and are used to moving fast and rarely questioning their assumptions. So, this simple question can be surprisingly challenging. The key is helping leaders distinguish between what they know with absolute certainty and what they believe or assume.

Coaching tip: Don’t rush past this. Let them sit with it. If they immediately say “yes,” ask them to pause and to fully consider it again.

Example:

• Limiting belief: “I have to work 70 hours a week to be successful”
• Coach: “How true is that? Is working 70 hours the only way to be successful?”

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s 100% true?

Why this works: This deepens the inquiry by introducing doubt. Even beliefs that seem obviously true at first often reveal themselves as speculation when we examine them more rigorously. This question is particularly powerful for executives who pride themselves on being analytical and certain.

Coaching tip: The word “absolutely” is crucial. Help your coachee distinguish between what they believe, and what they believe strongly.  Sometimes we can dial up the challenge by asking “How certain are you that this is true?”

Executive example:

• Coach: “How certain are you that it is absolutely true that working less than 70 hours means you won’t be successful? When have you seen successful people who work less?” We can playfully challenge by asking “So what about 69.5 hours or 69 hours?” Our aim is to loosen that belief and start to bring in doubt and possibility.

Question 3: How do you react – what happens – when you believe that thought?

Now we shift focus to the practical consequences of holding this belief. It helps clients see how their assumptions influence their emotions, behaviours, and relationships. For our executive clients, this often reveals the hidden costs on their leadership effectiveness, team dynamics, and personal wellbeing.

Why this works: This connects thoughts to consequences in a concrete way. Leaders understand cause and effect, so this resonates.

Coaching tip: Help your coachee explore the impact of having this thought. What is the impact of how they are approaching a situation? How does this belief affect their decision-making, relationships, creativity, and physical health?

Executive example:

• When believing “I must work 70 hours a week”:
  • Physical: exhausted, stressed, health problemsEmotional: guilty when not working, anxious about timeBehavioural: micromanaging, not delegating, working weekends/evenings
  • Relationships: missing time with family and friends, team burnout

Question 4: Who would you be without that thought?

This might be the most transformative question of all. It invites clients to imagine their experience without the limiting belief. It opens space for new possibilities and ways of being that have been obscured by their assumptions.

Why this works: this creates new possibilities and helps clients glimpse what’s possible beyond their limiting beliefs.

Coaching tip: If your coachee struggles with this question, ask: “Imagine we waved a magic wand and this belief was gone but you didn’t know. So when you wake up tomorrow morning what would you notice first that lets you know that belief has gone?  What would be different in your life? “What would you no longer be thinking, doing or feeling? How would you be different?” ” What would you be experiencing?”

Executive example:

• Without the thought “I must work 70 hours”:
  • Might focus on the important and longer-term activities
  • Could delegate more effectively
  • Might model better work-life balance for the team
  • Could make more strategic decisions instead of reactive ones

Bring curiosity and a wondering tone to the conversation

The goal of these questions isn’t to prove thoughts wrong — it’s to help your clients see their thoughts simply as thoughts rather than absolute truth. Stay curious about their experience.

After working through the four questions, help your coachee identify:

• What new actions might be possible?
• How can they catch this limiting belief when it arises in real time?
• What would be different about their leadership if they held this belief more lightly?

Common executive beliefs to explore

Thinking about clients I have worked, with here are some examples of limiting beliefs that frequently come up, and where I have applied Byron Katie’s questions:

About performance

• “I am the leader so I need to have all the answers”
• “If I don’t know all the answers immediately people will think I am not capable of doing the job”
• “If I don’t have all the answers for my team then I’m not adding value”

About control

• “I’m responsible for everyone’s results”
• “I need to be on top of everything or it won’t get completed correctly”
• “I can’t take time off because everything will fall apart”

About success

• “Success means never failing”
• “I have to say yes to every opportunity”
• “If I’m not growing the business every year, I’m failing”

The Power of simplicity

These questions are powerful because they’re simple. We don’t need to overcomplicate them. The magic happens when busy leaders slow down enough to fully consider these basic questions about their most fundamental assumptions (which sit below their conscious awareness).

As coaches, our job is to create the space for this inquiry to happen, not to have all the answers.

Key takeaways

Byron Katie’s four questions work because they help clients distinguish between their thoughts and reality. For leaders who often mistake their thinking and mental models for truth, this distinction can be genuinely transformational. The questions are simple enough to remember and use, but profound enough to unlock new ways of thinking and leading.

Our role is to guide the inquiry with genuine curiosity and help our clients discover their own insights. Trust the process— and trust the power of simple questions to create profound change

Making it stick

The power of Byron Katie’s questions doesn’t just come from the initial inquiry – it’s about how clients integrate their insights into daily practice. Encourage them to notice when old beliefs pop up and briefly return to the questions, particularly the first two. This ongoing practice helps strengthen new, more flexible ways of thinking.

Consider creating simple reminder systems or check-in processes. Some executives benefit from keeping a brief journal of stressful thoughts and their inquiry process, while others prefer periodic coaching conversations focused specifically on exploring their beliefs.

Summing up

Byron Katie’s four questions give us a precise and powerful tool for helping clients uncover and transform the hidden assumptions that shape their leadership experience. By creating space for genuine inquiry into beliefs that often go unexamined, we can help our clients move beyond reactive patterns toward more conscious, effective leadership.

The beauty of this approach lies in its simplicity and universal applicability. Whether you’re working with a struggling middle manager or an experienced leader, these questions provide a reliable framework for transformation. In a world where leaders are constantly pressured to have all the answers, Byron Katie’s method reminds us of the profound power found in asking the right questions.