For transformational change to take place, it is not all about the coach

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”
Old English proverb

During a one-to-one supervision session, an executive coach was sharing reflections about their recent experiences of coaching a leader. This leader was receiving their coaching as part of an executive development programme.

The coach was experiencing a pattern of the client showing up late, unprepared and not having anything specifically they wanted to work on.

The coach was feeling dismayed by this experience and sharing that they were working a lot harder than with other clients to help this client get the most from their coaching. They felt like they were not adding any value, they were certainly not enjoying the work and were now questioning whether they were the right coach to support this leader.

When there is an abdication of responsibility by the client, it is not unusual for coaches to find themselves taking more responsibility for the outcomes of a one-to-one coaching programme. There may of course be many reasons for a client not taking responsibility, including being poorly prepared for coaching by their organisation.

For newer coaches, this can be a particularly challenging experience, as it is likely to be dialling up their own anxieties about being good enough as a coach. The challenge is that when the coach tries to take more responsibility, it often cements this dynamic — with the client continuing in the same pattern of abdication or remaining helpless.

Let us reflect on the word “responsibility” for a moment, which means “accountability for one’s actions, duties or decisions.” When we consider this for a moment, we may realise that as per the old English proverb above, the client’s engagement and readiness for coaching are critical ingredients for transformational coaching.

Coaching truly is an investment — not just financially but in time, energy and personal commitment. The more your client invests, the greater the return.

Let us now look at the reasons for this, and then explore the role of the coach when this is experienced.

Coaching is built on a co-created relationship and a collaborative approach

Coaching can never be “done” to a client; it is a development process that is co-created with them. Transformational coaching will always happen in the crucible of the coaching relationship (as I highlighted in my recent post about a person-centred approach to coaching).

If a client has been “sent for coaching,” or as per the example above, has to attend the coaching to “tick a box” as part of their wider development, the coach may have a mountain to climb to build a relationship that is built on trust, honesty and a collaborative approach.

The client’s active participation is critical

As coaches, we know the importance of the client playing their part in the coaching relationship. If we look at many psychological theories of change — including, for example, Prochaska’s Transtheoretical Model of Change — we see that the client’s engagement and readiness to be coached are vital.

I always remember an old colleague of mine telling me that when meeting a new client, she would always pass them a new journal and say to them: “This is for you, as you need to be more invested in your development than I am!”

Even though breakthroughs may happen for the client in the session, the reality is that most of their growth and change will happen outside of the coaching sessions. The client is not frozen in ice after the coaching has ended, so 90% of the results will come from their activity outside of the session.

A client that is committed to their own development will be an active participant in the coaching process. They will be experimenting, taking actions, reflecting on their development and coming prepared to the next session with their insights and learning.

Without this self-efficacy and the client taking responsibility for action, awareness will soon dissipate and change will not take place.

The client’s accountability is key

We know as coaches that when a client is an active participant in the coaching programme, taking ownership for their development, coaching will unlock their potential.

When a client:

• comes to their own self-realisation of how they can overcome a challenge
• identifies changes in their behaviour
• takes accountability to practise these new behaviours between sessions

we see that they not only achieve their desired outcomes, but also build their self-belief and self-trust. All this enables them to achieve their potential.

The coaching process generates sustainable change for the client, and this does not come from them being a passive participant waiting to be told the answer. It comes from them embracing development stretch and accountability; they end up responsible for their own success. In short, accountability keeps the client focused and moving towards their desired state outside of the sessions.

The client’s willingness to be vulnerable is essential

Transformational coaching will work beneath the level of the presenting behaviour; it explores the client’s emotions, beliefs and habits that will have been in place for many years. If the client is not open minded, willing to be honest and share their own inner landscape, the coaching will remain transactional.

If the client is not willing to be curious and to step outside of their comfort zone, it is hard for transformation to take place. We know as coaches that when clients are willing to experience being uncomfortable — and lean into what they do not yet know — they discover territory that creates the greatest personal and professional growth.

Being engaged as a client means embracing the coaching dialogue even when it feels challenging and uncomfortable.

The Coach’s Role

As coaches we create the relational conditions: a supportive, challenging and non-judgemental environment where the client can fully explore their challenges and the desired change they wish to achieve. Over the course of the coaching programme, a coach’s identity is one of a facilitator providing structure, encouragement and accountability and — as we have just discussed —he or she cannot do the work on behalf of the client.

The coach brings their expertise in facilitating change, and the client brings commitment, openness and responsibility. Together they create the conditions for transformational change. 

If you pause now and reflect on the ideas shared so far, what might you do more of to enable your clients to get the most from their coaching with you? What conversations might you want to have to help them maximise the coaching opportunity?

In the future, when you are experiencing client resistance, or if you are questioning their readiness, a simple model to reflect on is:

1. Does the client know how to gain the most from coaching? (The client does not know: knowledge gap).
2. Does the client not know how to be coached / reflect? (The client can’t: skills gap).
3. Is the client unwilling? (The client is: attitude gap).

Addressing a knowledge gap

Coaches often take on the role of an educator during contracting and the ongoing relationship. You can use this role to help your clients understand expectations — and the steps required to get the best outcomes from coaching.

Addressing a skills gap

Addressing a skills gap may mean bringing in additional structuring to the coaching process — for example, goal templates and “before and after” session questions to aid the client’s reflection, preparation and integration.

Alternatively, you could consider introducing journaling practices — so that your clients can continue their reflective practice between sessions to deepen their self-awareness and learning.

Addressing an attitude gap

If the client shares they have been “sent for coaching”, consider integrating 360 feedback, psychometric or 3-way contracting processes — so that they can make an informed choice about whether to consciously enter this development relationship.

If you experience resistance or less helpful client behaviour, use ongoing session contracting conversations to review progress and how you are working together. These can be vital to surface blocks and to repair ruptures in the coaching relationship.

To do this well, it’s important to hold the client in a horizontal, adult-to-adult relationship — this will stop any attempts from the client to bring you into the role of a parent or rescuer, and helps keep them in an “adult-to-adult space” too.

From this adult-to-adult space, you can act as a compassionate mirror for your clients, enabling them to see blind spots — or how the coaching process may be mirroring their experiences in their leadership role. It is good to remember that how the client is presenting for the coaching is data. Offering feedback on how you are experiencing the client in the coaching programme will raise their self-awareness, generate responsibility and choice — all this helps them choose to take ownership of their development.

Our experiences as coaches continually show us that transformational coaching programmes are built on a co-created relationship with the client’s active participation rather than passive attendance. When a client fully engages with the coaching process, they will gain deep self-awareness and insight, build confidence and self-trust and make meaningful change.

At the heart of every transformational coaching journey is a simple truth: coaching enables the client to see the water — but the client’s willingness to take a sip is a key ingredient in creating sustainable change.